This is Festival Heart. You can expect to see a lot of photos of us on my social media timelines during the next few months so I thought it would be rude not to give a little introduction. The band is made up of Sarah, Brad, Kierran and myself.
On stage, we are sleek, professional and fun.
Off stage, none of us have social boundaries and we all have the tongues of gutter wenches.
We love a squad photo and long walks on the beach.
Below, I've included some of our stats in the style of classic Trump cards. Please note that quotes are a lot cleaner than in reality and all sats are rated out of 5.
Almost the smallest member of our group, Sarah's voice is just as beautiful and powerful as Gandalf's beard. It was once said that a member of the audience in one of our early gigs had to get his face re-attached after an Adele track. (See below for evidence)
Strengths: Harmonies, out of this world
Weaknesses: Panoramic photo taking
Quote - "Her voice sounds like an angel, half burping and puking honey into my ears" - Bride
Or 'Hammer fingers' as they call him in some areas, his favourite hobbies include asking questions and brushing his tongue in the shower. Sometimes this makes him puke all over himself and he has to skootch it into the drain with his foot. What he lacks in height, he makes up for with finger strength.
Get too close to this lunatic and he'll crush your windpipe, and the last thing you'll see with your slowly fading eyes is his lips as he whispers. "I love you."
Strengths: Whistling while talking
Weaknesses: Wiring up a bass bin
Quote: "Oi, Bassist. Come here and drink this whiskey.... Now take your top off." - Audience member
Our beat factory has played with some amazing people including a chubby Bruno Mars tribute, Bruno Mars Bar and loves to swoosh his hair around while telling everyone he's just been surfing. He is also our resident sound technician and enjoys walking around with an iPad looking busy.
Strengths: He can spot a Photo Booth at a thousand paces
Weaknesses: Vulnerable to fire, and cake
Knowing Brad is mixing the sound for us means that we will sound the very best that we can. His attention to details is second to none and if it isn't perfect, it's not good enough for Festival heart.....
Quote: "Do a bass Kierran" - Bradley
By far the biggest fan and instigator of the 'squad photo'. Scott AKA Mix master jazzy M McStuffin's is the guy in the really small hat who finds out when we're supposed to be playing. I then feed the information back to the rest of the band through the medium of dance.
Strengths: Laughs in the face of danger
Weaknesses: Scared of the sound of laughter
Mid performance quote: "Neck me" - Scott to Kierran
Here's to many more
In the short while we've been together, we've played up and down the country, got stuck in traffic and spent an 18 hour working day together. And personally, I have thoroughly enjoyed. I hope you get an opportunity to see us live at some point. As does this guy -
(Evidence of face melting)